Memories;
good or bad, define who you become. Survivors of near death experiences develop
post traumatic behaviour, everlasting
opinions and impressions on a certain place or society. Individuals change
gender preferences and keep small tokens like photos, movie tickets, seashells,
anything to preserve the moment forever.
It reminds them that they had a past, it reminds them that they lived.
Most importantly, this data defines their role in society.
All of these with which
V had to live without.
She named herself V because when she woke up on a cold
metal platform in an abandoned building, there was no one to tell her why she
was there or why she did not remember being alive in the first place. She named
herself V because when she stood up for the first time and fell on her knobbly
knees, forgetting how to walk, there was no one to catch her and teach her how
to balance on two legs. She named herself V because as she was staggering to
her feet, she caught movement at the edge of her eyes and quickly went after
it, encouraged by the fact that it was running towards her, only to crash
straight into a hard surface. Her head exploded with pain and she fell to the
floor for the second time, breathless and confused. When she looked up, her
eyes met with a face marred by lines of fear and distress. She saw dark crimson
liquid flowing from the crown of its head and instinctively reached out in
curiosity only to be met with the hard surface that she had collided with. She
called herself V because when she looked at the pale and bony figure and saw
waves of jet black hair flowing down her back, and piercing green eyes that
were looking intensely back at her, she realised it was her reflection. She
called herself V because as she slowly dragged herself along the dirty and
empty corridors of the building all she found was dust, weird metal objects
that cut her fingers when she touched the tip, and an empty glass bottle with a
faded label around it that spelled out the word ‘Viagra’ with gold embossed V.
She did not know what it meant but was surprised that she understood these
random signs. Clenching it with her bloodied and dusty fingers, she curled up
into a ball with renewed hopes. She did not know how or when but her view was
spinning and suddenly she was hit with a sense of dreariness and slowly her
eyes gave up to the strong desire to cut off the rest of the world and it
became dark again.
Time was not something that V cared or knew about. Hours
had passed since V had awoken and walked down the empty hallways; now the only
thing that was driving V forward was her fear of giving up to the cold and
unknown surrounding. Saline pearls of tears rolled down her cheeks and blurred
her vision but V was not paying attention to her sight anymore; she was using
all her strength to continue walking until finally, she saw a different shade
of light, different from the bulbs that lighted her way throughout the eerie
building. There was something almost magical about it; the way she could almost
smell the air outside and the way her skin tingled with warmth that increased
as she got closer to the light. When she stepped out through the opening, she
met with a psychedelic sky that she could stare at forever.
Forever was not something that V was given. At that
moment, as if it was all planned, a man walked towards her. She stood static,
still undecided of what to do when finally they were so close, she was sure
that he could hear her heart beat. He reached out to her and hesitantly she
accepted it; not knowing how much her decision would change the course of her
life.
A van. That was what he called it. A
transportation device that would take V to a place where she could live her new
life. It amazed V that she could understand the noises coming out of Alex’s
mouth and it shocked her even more when she effortlessly replied. It was as if
her tongue remembered things her brains did not. Alex refused to answer her
questions of why she had no memories of her past instead he kept persuading her
that it was all going to be alright. Trust was not a word she could fully
comprehend but when Alex asked her whether she trusted him, she nodded. That
was when he told her about the experiment.
Experiment X is a highly classified
social economics experiment run by a group of economists and scientists to
investigate humans’ reaction in extreme situations with a set of rules that
they have to conform to. It tests humans’ capabilities and breaking points;
discovering trends of large groups of people living together and how
punishments and rewards can affect the way they make decisions. It hit close to
home for she too had no idea about what she was capable of or where will she
ever belong. She knew she had nothing to lose. With no doubt in mind, she
signed the contract Alex held before her and just like that, she sealed her
fate to a group of strangers she knew nothing about.
They drove for hours across plains
and surroundings that looked alien to her. V dozed off a couple of times and
when she was awake, all she did was look out the window, never being able to
take her eyes of the changing scenes before her. It wasn’t until they reached a
gigantic wall that she remembered the contract. Before her loomed a metal wall
that ran both to the east and west and stretched as far as the eyes could see.
It was hundreds and thousands of feet tall that it hurt her neck trying to look
at it.
In order to enter, the van went through a total of 6
checkpoints and at each checkpoint, intimidating guards stood by with guns ever
ready to shoot anything threatening. V wondered what was on the other side of
the wall that needed so much security and care. She was not sure whether she
was ready to find out or not.
Marcus was a tall built, dark coloured man with arms as
big as V's whole body. When they stood side by side, so stark was the contrast
that she could not imagine living in the same house with this man. The
organisers told her planned marriages were part of the programme and that most
volunteers were required to have one for the duration of the experiment. She
did not have to go through the actual procedures of marriage; it was more of a
pretend game kids play when they were children; they coaxed her. But all of
these meant nothing to V. She did not know what marriage was or what it meant.
Her whole body was filled with fear after Alex left her at the mercy of other
humans wearing long white materials that almost reached the floor. They did not
smile the way Alex did. Instead they called her by numbers; Subject 0031,
pushed her around, looked at her through microscopes and constantly took
pictures of her. She understood nothing and again, fear and confusion became
her companion. Until they took her to Marcus of course. He took one long look
at her and huffed then turned on his heels. Dejectedly, she followed.
At
first, Marcus helped her by explaining how things worked. He took her home,
showed her around her living quarters and listed out her chores. Although he
was patient at first, accepting all the mistakes that she made; burning his
toast, not preparing dinner in time, forgetting how to use the washing machine
but his patience soon wore off and she had to learn quickly to adapt or risk
being beaten by him. A wife, she learned, was a slave to her husband. It was
her job to clean and look after him. She could not leave the house without him
by her side. Earning money herself was out of question. Everything she needed
was provided by Marcus and sometimes, he even got her presents but none of it
could soothe her broken ego and heart. She could accept the fact that she had
to work for him but she could not accept the way he would inject unknown
substances into her body or the way he made her drink bitter drinks that would
make her dizzy and unaware of her surroundings. All she knew was that her body
was on fire and she would twitch until the world would become dark. She then
would awake the next day with marks and bruises all over and her legs and lower
body would ache all day. Privacy was not a concept that V ever knew or had and
now, she has lost the one thing she ever had; bodily autonomy.
Life in the house was dull. The first few days were
filled with new discoveries about how things worked; the way the television
could fit a human that seemed so much smaller than she was, the way hot air
blasted from the heater, the way it was always so cold in the refrigerator,
everything seemed to amaze her. But soon all of this amazement died off,
leaving her with nothing else to do except her tedious chores. The wonder-house
became her prison. There was only one thing she looked forward to every day and
that would be meeting Linda. Linda was her neighbour and every day at 4 pm,
Linda would pick up her dried laundry from the clothes line at the back of her
house and if V was lucky, she would be able to steal an hour of Linda's time
before Linda would rush off to prepare dinner for her husband. It was not
Linda's physique that attracted her, neither was it the fact that their houses
were the closest to each other. It was the way Linda would tilt her head when
she laughs, the way her eyes would twinkle when she smiles, the way her cheeks
turned red when V first kissed her and the way she talked that made the whole
world stop to listen.
It was Linda who explained the
grading system to her. The higher the collective points in a small community,
the wealthier they became. Points were given to those who follow the rules set
by the organisers including but not limited to total conformity of the wife to
the husband, having sex, getting pregnant, and practising the prescribed
religion. On the other hand, those who commit adultery, homosexuality, even
breaking the dress code will be penalised. These rules confused V as she looked
down at the plain brown dress she was wearing and wondered how any of these
rules would help her discover who she was and how she would best fit in
society. Her confusion and suspicions grew when Linda told her that she too had
gone through a memory swipe and that most of the volunteers were either victims
of memory loss or beggars by the street but they too had to filter their
memories. None of them actually knew what life on the outside was like. Linda
had been around for such a long time, she began to accept the cruel ways of
life. And in that duration of time, not once had she been let out of the walls.
The only thing that kept V sane was Linda's stories. Of
beautiful princesses in faraway lands and deserts with dancing snakes as pets,
of magical flowers that only bloom in full moon and are guarded by a
fire-breathing dragon. Tales of sea serpents and mermaids, of rainbows in the
sky and the pot of gold at the very end with a magical creature called the
leprechaun that will grant your wishes. But V's favourite were stories of the
sea. A region so vast that one could look at it and never see the end. A bubbly
blue world filled with beautiful corals and life. These stories danced into V's
dreams and kept her occupied in her own little world where she was the princess
of Atlantis and Linda was her mate. But they took that away from her too.
It was during one of the worship
sessions that everyone was told to attend on Monday evenings. Everyone would
sit in circles, hold hands and mutter gibberish about some Man in the sky no
one had ever met. A man wearing a sinister white mask would walk to the centre
of the circle to read out the scores of the week. This week, it was different.
When the score reader walked to the
middle, he was not alone. Four peacekeepers tailed behind. And instead of
reading the scores, he cleared his throat and thundered,
"There are
hypocrites among us. Hypocrites who pretend to be one of us, worship with us,
but right under our noses, commit the acts of imbeciles that they truly are.
Today, we are going to purify the society. Today, my friends, help me make
peace with God by sacrificing these disgusting mortals that dare go against His
laws!"
Her heart beat so fast, it felt like
a bomb was about to detonate in her heart. Blood roared in her ears and her
knees felt weak as the crowd roared in compliance. Two hands grabbed at her
shoulders and pulled her up to her feet. She looked around at the hard lined
faces of peacekeepers, their eyes red with disgust. Their hatred towards her,
radiating, as they dragged her to a clearing nearby where two stakes stood west
of a pile of stones.
V's spirit wilted.
"Stop! She's pregnant!"
V could hear Marcus's voice above all the others. So
powerful was his command that the mob came to a halt and all eyes were turned
to her and the man in the mask. They all knew how important reproduction was in
the community. Communities with pregnant women will be rewarded with 100 points
for every day that the baby is still in her womb and a 1000 more if the baby is
safely born. It was against their laws to harm a pregnant woman. Hope flickered
in V's heart. She might just be saved. But she should have known that there are
certain things worse than dying.
Because unlike her,
Linda was not pregnant.
To make it worse, the man in the mask made sure that V
had the best view which was at the very front of the mob. When Linda was pulled
into the scene, V's heart dropped realising what she was about to witness.
Linda did not kick or thrash around instead she held her head up high when they
tied her up to the stake. Before the ceremony even began, the crowd had already
gone crazy by spitting and shouting at her to go to hell but Linda did not even
cringe. She kept her eyes on V for a few minutes; and instead of regret, fear
and hatred that V had expected to see, she saw an ocean of love and acceptance,
one with no sign of an end. Tears filled V's eyes, refusing to believe the
scene unfolding before her. As the first stone hit Linda's temple and she
started to bleed, V let out an inhuman scream that reverberated through the
walls; a scream filled with anguish that drained her of any energy left and she
fainted, mercifully missing the torturous ceremony.
Being hated by society had a few advantages, one being
that nobody wanted to be around her. Even Marcus. So V had all the time to
herself which she spent looking out the window aimlessly and at 4 pm every day,
she would drag her feet to the clothes line like some routine and talk to
herself for hours. She did not sleep nor eat properly. Hygiene was something
she did not bother with at all. V was trapped in her own world, continuously
dreaming of a life where happiness still existed.
She would have died if
it wasn't for the kick. Her baby's first kick reminded her that she had one
last job to do.
It was a hot Friday afternoon and her back was drenched
in sweat but V did not mind. Her mind flew back to the argument she had with
Marcus when they first found out she was pregnant. She had refused to carry the
baby, haunted by the stories of mothers dying while giving birth. It was beyond
her understanding why Marcus and the rest of society cared more for a life that
had not started than the life they were about to end. Not only will this baby
be a threat to her existence but her whole life would be tied to another being.
She would be enslaved yet to another individual. But Marcus wanted to hear none
of it and Marcus always had his way.
If only she was not pregnant, she would be dead by now.
She would be in heaven with Linda. Or wherever Linda is, she did not mind. She
would have escaped this crazy and psychotic community. She would have been
saved.
V stopped digging and rubbed her stomach slowly, deep in
thought. No way was she going to bear the blame of bringing this baby into this
experiment. No one else is going to suffer the way she had, especially not
someone of her kin. And if this was how humans are, she was glad she had
forgotten about it. She continued to dig
up the earth with her bare hands - the hole was nowhere big enough yet, but
soon it would be.
