Lines

Though words have their own limitations, it is nevertheless a powerful tool, used to either destruct or heal. It is healing to me and hence why I am writing this entry. I hope it can heal you too, or that you are kind enough to offer me a few words in return, for strength to heal.

I watched the movie ‘Me Before You’ within the first week of its release. And I hated it. With my whole heart. I felt cheated because the movie was described as romantic and moving, but in my opinion it showed nothing but selfishness. Not only had he led her on, knowing fully how she had felt towards him, he continued on to choose to end his life after confessing to her how much he ‘loved’ her. It was not love to me. Love is selfless. It is constructive. But most of all, I believe love is honest. And he was dishonest to her about his intentions. For all of the reasons above, he did not love her.

But she had loved him. I had a long debate with myself on whether I would have done the exact same thing as Jo, if I was in her position. Only recently did I manage to come to terms with her act. The answer is, I would. “The gifts that God has given you on Earth are yours to cherish, not yours to possess”. That was exactly what she did. She cherished him with her whole heart for as long as she could but she did not demand he stayed. She would have loved him anyway. And I felt certainty in my heart that I would have done the same, and I would continue to do so in my life. To cherish, not to possess. To give without demanding. To just… love.

The problem with the above principle is that it is not universal or applicable all the time. You can’t be selfless and not demand in all situations. Ultimately, you have the responsibility to care for your heart too. And sometimes… Sometimes we just forget to draw that line. We give ourselves reasons (or pretty much just lame excuses) to hold on to a mirage that everything is within our control. We fear what we do not know and so we lie and cover up the truth and we buy into those lies. And for a moment, we are content. Who are we kidding though. We’re dying. And until we admit the problem, we can never truly find the cure.

I’ll tell you a secret. You think you’re not strong enough. But you are. You said you weren’t the last time someone hurt you. But you’re here now. You survived that mishap, and you’ll survive this one. Maybe you haven’t been treating yourself right. That happens all the time, to every individual big and small. You learn to get back up and you learn where to draw the line. You’ll learn that next time, you can’t pretend the line is not there.

Loving doesn’t get any easier. Relationships don’t get any simpler. A friend of mine came out from three failed marriages only to realise one crucial thing. He was the constant. You’re the constant of all the happenings in your life. Change that constant; respect yourself, be fair when punishing your faults, love everything that you are… Only then will you know how to respect, be fair and love others. And maybe… Just maybe.. If everyone were to do that, we’d all find ourselves someone we could finally be honest and still be happy with. Someone we could love constructively.

I don’t have the answers. Maybe I’m writing this because I too do not know where to draw the line. I too am scared of losing someone I love over a stupid line I’ve drawn. But if that is true, then I too am secretly strong enough to live through this.